These past few weeks...

Every time I attempt to write my thoughts present themselves in a jumbled mess, the notable events worth sharing suddenly blending and refusing to speak to me in a clear voice.
I don't think it's because my first language is not English. It's probably because I am an inexperienced writer and a relatively new mother and the art of clear thinking has left me for the better part of two years now as pregnancy brain molded into mama of baby and now mama of toddler brain.
The past few weeks were notable for the incredible snow we got, finally, its quick melting, the big big deal it was going to be and the fact that it really wasn't.
They are notable because of the intensified search for some sort of a nursery school for Ava (0 results so far), the realization those cost cats and dogs, and the incredible amount of fantasizing after affordable amazing babysitters that must exist somewhere within reach (have not looked for them) or the insanely shocking affordable (by U.S. standard) "ясли" of my native and very very far away Bulgaria.
In his State of the Union address Pr. Obama mentioned that affordable and perhaps government subsidized nursery school is really necessary in this country. It gives a headstart, teaches socialization and separation and is, all around, a good thing. Even a preferred thing. It is also, in my view, expensive.   I really feel my little daughter is ready for it. She shows all the signs that she is. She is eager to learn the movements that accompany songs (the bus, bean bag, happy if you know it, tea-pot songs), she is rapidly expanding her vocabulary every single day now, and she is also incredibly interested in other children. I am spreading myself thin running to catch buses and subways and sometimes walking for miles to take her to whatever "mommy and me", "toddler time" and other age-appropriate activities there are in libraries and a local church schools.
But to put her in a regular nursery school would mean I would have to make the extra $, and that would mean I need to get a part-time job while she is in the school. Could the timing ever work for that? The programs I like are usually 3 hours in the morning... for a few days a week. That would make 9 hours a week. What would that free time give me and could it ever be $ earning?
Talking about free time. I could really really use some. I need a haircut, I want to get back to dancing, I fell in love with a Yoga class, I have the high high ambitions to organize a summer monastery-building camp in Bulgaria with volunteer Americans, I want to make this blog cute and I want to stretch. I want to call my girlfriends and start the farming/gardening planning. Oh, yes, I want to finish the upcycled toy I created the Pod-House and draw and design and make clothes. But most of these wishes remain, on a daily basis, wishes only.
I am intensely curious to find out what exactly the schedules of other stay-at-home mothers are. It seems that with us, time just flies away and even recent planning, memories and determination to accomplish the tasks down the to-do list liquify and swirl just past my reach.
Which leads me to consult my calendar and a few brief notes and to remember that:
- On Feb 2nd was Dragi's babyshower, which I hosted for her at my place. It was a lot of work, but it came together beautifully with a fancy cake I made, decorations (first time shopping at the super party store ever) and entertaining lots of people I've met only a few times. Ava was pretty amused and at times a little stunned to see so many strangers in her living room ;). But there were kids too!
- On Feb 9th was the big snow blizzard that was even given a name, which turned out to be just lots and lots of puffy snow and snowman making opportunities.
- Between Feb 10th and today, we went to 2 mommi & me, 2 toddler times @ libraries (West Village and Queens), St. Nicholas 3 times (the Sundays), visited Anja and baby & Sisi for playtimes, got visited by them for playtimes, visited Grace Playschool Open House and basked in the sun at noon the days that were sunny eating hot soup from the old-school Italian gourmet deli.
Playing at home, I discovered that Ava can stand on point by pulling herself up onto a kitchen drawer, is learning an incredible amount from playing Zoo Train and I See Ewe on the i-pad (words, letters) and is totally in love with her best friend's new little brother! To the point that she recreates her observations of his mama and him by addressing her stuffed clownish like doll as baby and proceeding to swaddle, rock, feed and put it to sleep. She will also sometimes quite unceremoniously ask Sisi (baby's mama, my mama bestfriend) to hand baby David to her by outstretching her arms and saying baby, baby. But we can't quite trust her with a real baby yet, can we?
We can and do however trust her with a ball and she is starting to throw and catch and even shot at a hoop. Go 22 months!